"It’s a wedding, not a hostage situation. Guests can leave any time they want."
Recently, Reddit user No-Steak698 (or OP, for Original Poster) asked, "AITA (Am I The A-Hole) for leaving my friend's wedding early because I wasn't allowed a plus one?"
He explained: "My (32, male) friend, Emma, got married last weekend. I was excited to attend, but when the invites went out, I noticed I wasn't given a plus one. I've been with my boyfriend (30, male) for almost two years, and he's met Emma multiple times. They've always gotten along fine, or so I thought. When I asked Emma about it, she said it was a budget thing, and only married couples were getting plus ones."
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"I was a little hurt, but I didn't argue. I figured it was her wedding, her rules."
"But when I got to the wedding, I immediately noticed that several people, including some who weren't even in relationships, had brought dates. I tried not to let it bother me. But throughout the night, people kept asking where my boyfriend was, since they assumed he'd be there. It was awkward. Later, I found out from a mutual friend that Emma had deliberately not invited my boyfriend because she couldn't stand how perfect he was. WTF??"
"Apparently, she'd made comments before about how he was too charming, and it made her feel like her now-husband looked bad in comparison. I was shocked. My boyfriend is just a genuinely nice guy who's always polite and friendly."
"After the dinner and speeches, I felt so uncomfortable that I decided to quietly leave instead of stay for the dancing. I sent Emma a quick congratulatory text and left. The next day, Emma texted me. She was furious that I left early without saying goodbye. I told her I knew the real reason my boyfriend wasn't invited, and I didn't feel welcome. She said I was making her day about me and that I was overreacting."
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"She just didn't want my boyfriend to take the spotlight at her wedding. AITA for leaving?"
Commenters swiftly came to OP's defense, declaring him "NTA (Not The A-Hole). Your 'friend' is allowed to not invite anyone she would like to exclude from her nuptials. She is not, however, allowed to excuse herself from the reactions she yields from her decision."
"Actions have consequences. If you don't like the consequence, don't do the action. My daughter was taught that before first grade."
"NTA. She deliberately excluded your boyfriend because she’s insecure? That’s her problem, not yours. Leaving was the polite option. She’s the a-hole."
"If she's that worried your boyfriend is going to steal the spotlight on her wedding day, maybe it's because she knows that her husband can't match up and that she's not actually happy with him. Otherwise, she wouldn't feel so threatened by your boyfriend being there."
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"It’s a wedding, not a hostage situation. Guests can leave any time they want. If there are going to be rules about plus ones, they should be applied to everyone equally!"
"People are allowed to leave whenever they want as long as they don't do it in the middle of the actual ceremony."
"You should tell Emma's new husband that she thinks your boyfriend is a better man than he is."
One recent bride weighed in to reassure OP that he didn't commit some horrible offense against a bride on her wedding day. "NTA! I was fully expecting to think the opposite, but as a bride of less than a year ago, I can tell you that my husband and I didn’t have these fake rules for anyone."
"Each of our guests was treated the same. You did the right thing."
Many posters even suggested that OP ditch his friendship with Emma altogether. "Don't take it to heart. It's her problem, not yours. You tried to be a good friend, but she didn't appreciate it. Just move on and surround yourself with people who will value you and your partner."
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"The way Emma has treated you is totally unacceptable. I’d seriously reconsider the friendship. You deserve better."
"I do believe you should rethink this entire 'friendship.' The red flags 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 are flying all around her bloody head. Pay attention, honey."
Other commenters speculated that Emma's reasoning for not giving OP a plus one was even more nefarious than he originally thought. "She was lying about her reason to make herself look better. Emma is anti-gay, or someone in her family is. The 'he's just too perfect' BS was just something she made up to avoid being judged."
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"Emma 1000% had an issue with the optics of two men being dates together at her wedding. She's either quite anti-gay herself, or she's just anti-gay enough that she wouldn't want to debate with somebody's anti-gay uncle being upset about seeing OP and his boyfriend together. But there's basically no doubt in my mind that it's about OP's sexuality."
"Emma or her husband didn’t want a gay couple at the wedding. The 'your boyfriend is too perfect' line makes zero sense, and she’s trying to save face by saying something overly nice. She isn’t a real friend."
"You should ask her to clarify what she meant by saying she didn't want your boyfriend to 'take the spotlight' at her wedding. When she's unable to admit the truth (that she didn't want a same sex couple at her wedding), drop her."
A few people agreed that the "too perfect" line was a lie, but not because anyone is anti-gay. User JessBx05 posited that, "Emma has a crush on OP's boyfriend."
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"This. I read it more as Emma moaned your boyfriend's name during sex, so the groom banned him. But really, what was the point of lying to you beforehand? Did she really expect you not to notice there were unmarried partners there?"
"Or Emma’s husband has a crush on OP's boyfriend."
Whatever the reason for Emma's behavior, this commenter summed everything up perfectly. "If it's the day after her wedding and she's fixated on when you left the reception, her priorities are in the wrong place."
"For the record, what you did was to avoid making it about you."
So now, I'd love to know who you think is in the wrong. Did Emma mess up by not giving OP a plus one, or was OP out of line for leaving the reception early and without saying goodbye?
H/T r/AITAH
Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.
